Upside Down Spam Pizza / Pizza Scone Weirdness

Okay, how do you get pizza wrong, right? Well, turns out I and my family have always made it wrong. I grew up loving pizza, my mum made it, then my dad, my brothers and I learned to make it, my wife makes it now. Pizza is amazing, only, I could never figure out why pizza from shops looked and tasted so different. I just thought cheap shop pizzas were odd that way, but then I had takeaway pizza, then homemade pizza at friend’s houses. I think I was probably around 15 when I realised our pizza was different. I think I was an adult before I realised the pizza we make was not just different, it’s down right weird!

But you know what?! This is the best damn pizza there is. It's got a scone dough base, lots of meat, just not where you'd expect to find it and when it goes cold, it transforms from scone dough pizza into pizza scone that's great in packed lunches. This thing tastes so good my younger brother and I, both in our thirties, still insist on having it as our birthday dinner every year.

You want some Italian, authentic, traditional, (insert more adjectives here) pizza recipe? This is not the Instructable for you. But if you want a pizza you’ve never had before, read on, you’ve never had anything like this before.

Right, so for the oddest looking pizza you've ever seen, shall we begin?

500 grams Self-raising flour

100 grams butter/whatever you use as butter

Milk

Salt, pepper, herbs.

Diced onion - We just use frozen diced onions, no more tears! (Optional, for boring people)

Garlic - mushed up/diced/granules, whatever, about 2 to 3 cloves worth

2 cans of tinned tomatoes (Plum tomatoes is what we go for usually, but chopped works too)

Spam (like, a whole big can of the stuff, don’t get snobby now, spam is delicious, you know it’s a delicacy in Korea? Be like Korea!)

Mushrooms (optional, seriously optional, why are these here? Ah, because my wife says so, bleh!)

Pineapple (optional, but why would you not have pineapple? Why isn’t any in my photos? Ah, because my wife says pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, bah!)

Cheese! (For us, that’s loads of cheddar cheese and some mozzarella)

Oil (we use olive, but any old thing will work... if it’s for eating... do not use your engine oil)

Pan

Grater

Hob

Oven

Mixing bowl

Got a mixer? Use it.

Large baking tray, a good deepish one is best.

Okay, so tomato sauce is the simplest thing to make on earth.

Just bung the contents of two cans of tomato into a pan, add some salt, pepper and herbs, mush it all together, and stick it on the stove. Simmer this until about half the liquid is gone. Now put it to one side to cool.

You think a pizza should only use bread dough? You’re on the wrong Instructable!

Bung the flour, butter, salt, pepper and some herbs in a bowl and rub it all together. Got a mixer? Use it.

Yes you read that right. The onion's not going in the topping (but if you like, it's actually really nice in the sauce too!)

So, add a little milk to your dough mixture, just add enough to make it a good dough ready to be pressed into a baking tray.

Now add some onion to the mixture and mix those in. I find that sometimes a splash more milk is helpful here.

Grease that tray with whatever you do that with usually. I use olive oil, but hey, butter, sunflower oil, whatever works for you.

I mean, you can do a circle if you want, but why? I’ve never seen the point!

No, there isn’t a mix up in the order of the steps, you seriously are adding the spam before the sauce. I repeat, the spam goes under the sauce and toppings.

I mean, I don’t know why you’d want mushrooms, but given that this is where we find ourselves, they go underneath too. This keeps them from going dry and fussy eaters are less likely to be put off with them as they’re buried deep. Seriously, even I eat them, I try not to think about it too much...

Yes, it’s finally time to add the sauce on top of the spam and mushrooms.

Just smother that thing in grated cheddar cheese.

Oh yeah, got to throw that mozzarella on there. Admittedly I’ve not done this in the past but my wife has started throwing it on too and it works rather nicely.

This is where we sprinkle some more herbs on top too. And add the pineapple if the wife isn’t looking too!

In it goes. I’m at 180˚C for 35 minutes(ish) in a fan oven. That’s 356˚F for those adverse to science among you.

You’re done! Sometimes I let it sit a wee while before serving. Just cut the thing into squares and serve it up. When the left overs cool, stick em in a box and in the fridge, they’re good for snacks and packed lunches. Have it cold, or heat it up in the microwave.

Why not try adding the onions to the sauce when you’re preparing it, not bad at all. Try with less cheese, with more cheese, throw on other toppings, and of course, pineapple, just... why would you not want pineapple? Who took the joy out of your heart?!