Teriyakisoba (totemo Oishii Da Yo)

Get together the following stuff:
Meat (of your choice I am doing beef)
Vegetables
(again, of your choice but brocolli and anything not chopped small enough will end up taking too long to cook, I strongly recommend various bell peppers)
1 packet precooked Soba noodles
Mirin
Shoyu (Soy Sauce)[I prefer Kikkoman]
sugar (not optional)
Tongs or cooking chopsticks
other kitchen basics (knife, cutting board, stove, pan, microwave, vaguest semblance of cooking skill, etc. etc.)

I must remark before starting that I do not give information on temperatures for a reason. I know my ovens "sweet spots." As should anyone who plans to make good food for themselves at home. I know that on my stove beef cooks done but tender at just below 8 and that oil is at just the right temperature for pan frying at just below nine and that eggs cook at the halfway point twixt 3 and 4. I know these things because I have worked on my stove for many occassions and would recommend that you know your stoves "sweet spots" before attempting this and expecting the best results.

I will at some point soon put up an Instructable on finding your oven's "sweet spots" but not incredibly soon. When I do I will post a link to it here.

Put your wok/pan on the stove and put it to its panfry sweet spot. Add enough oil for a 3-4 inch circle. I recommend olive oil but then again I can't use canola.
Slice your bell pepper into strips.
Slice your meat into thin strips.

Once the oil is hot enough (it should be by the time you're done slicing things) add the meat. At this point you will need to keep it moving. Use the tongs/chopsticks to keep the meat moving around until all the pieces have browned edges or 60 seconds have passed, whichever comes first. Then, drop the temperature to your standard beef sweet spot and grab your pack of soba.

Cut off the main outer pouch, throw it and the flavour pouch way, and poke a hole in the inner pouch for steam letoff. Put it into the microwave for one minute. Once it is done open the pouch and toss it in. Use your cooking utensil to separate and mix the noodles.

Toss in your pepper slices.

Take the sauce ingredients and add them in order. The order matters because the second and third ingredient amounts depend on the amount of the first ingredient put in.
Add shoyu.
Add twice as much mirin as shoyu.
Add half as much sugar as shoyu.
That makes a 2:4:1 ratio in the sauce. A bit too much shoyu and it will be too salty, a bit too much mirin and sugar and it will be too sweet. Keep that in mind if you want to adjust the taste.
Give it all a stir to dissolve the sugar and coat everything lightly.

Place the lid on the pan and step away. It is going to need a few minutes to evaporate the alcohol and steam the veggies. Bell peppers take five minutes or so. Brocolli takes maybe fifteen so if you are going to have brocolli steam it separately and a bit ahead of time and add it in already almost finished.

Check the peppers. If they are squishy on the outside and crunchy in the middle and have their colour brightened nicely they are done. Turn off the heat, give it another good toss, serve it, and enjoy the complements of your second party on creating such a wonderful meal.

As always, I am not responsible for anything that may happen to you if you attempt the creation of this meal. If you burn your house/apartment/hut/hovel/home down, it isn't my fault. If you feed your friend/mate/family member/frequent sexual partner/infrequent sexual partner/wife/mistress/child/parent/self undercooked meat and they/you get food poisoning and possibly die it isn't my fault.